sQuare Table

We looked at Acts 4 yesterday and I have to admit I was being a bit of a brat but I am curious about certain things.

Acts 4 we see the religious leaders trying to take control of the situation where Peter and John had just healed a lame man they knew very well in Jesus’ name. They threw Peter and John into prison for a night to see if that would scare them but again Peter gave a mini sermon. Just about how salvation is from Jesus alone.

Reading it now again, I see that Peter was very … offensive. He didn’t butter up the message or make Jesus out to be a softie in any way. He accused the religious leaders with authority and said it was them who had sentence Jesus to the cross. But Jesus Christ is more powerful than that.

I had to ask after his mini sermon why and how come some times in this day and age, it seems like we add pepper and salt to the Gospel message to make it sound more appealing. Shouldn’t what Peter had said be enough to win people over for Jesus Christ in today’s climate and environment?

It doesn’t seem that way these days. Some people I have met ask us to move on from the central message of Christianity… ask us to stop talking about Jesus Christ. Some people consider the Bible as a text created by Man rather than inspired of God, that it can’t be studied on a theological level, feeling that tradition is just as important or even heritage to hold the same weight.

How little we know of Jesus Christ… that we think we need more than Him. If only we know how He is enough for us.

My question I brought up was, if it was enough then, then why is it not enough now? Of course the Bible makes it out like what Peter and John had to say was broadcasted on live television and droves of people heard and believed but I am guessing that is not the case. But still there were a lot of believers and followers.

I then asked why people had such issues with the evangelicals or even the fundamentalists for always focusing on the Gospel Truth because it seems like it’s good enough for Peter and John. Then of course it was said that it’s good enough to save us but we need to build a relationship after we’ve been saved.

I said if only we could walk on the streets and proclaim this very thing. We talked about what the difference was and the difference was that Peter had performed his amazing miracle and so why doesn’t God empower us more in that manner? Is he trying to stretch the modern day faith more than last time? Or was it ‘cos His power was more evidently supernatural then?

I then brought up the Eastern Christians (goodness knows why) — I forget now but when I think of it, they too are persecuted on a daily basis. I guess in some way, we need our faith to be challenged to believe.

I think I remember my problem with us adding salt and pepper to the message, we begin to dilute God’s truth and make it something to prop us up and after awhile we think we don’t need God anymore which is the disturbing thing that we begin to deviate from God rather than go toward Him.

I can’t find the article which I had read off before going for Bible study but it was on the top 10 Christian stories of 2011 and no. 1 was Rob Bell, the popular pastor who promoted the idea of Universalism… the idea that maybe we dont need Jesus to save us. They said Rob Bell in 2011 was like the Da Vinci Code controversy that sparked so much debate and discussion in Churches and the world all over. But how has it become that we can even think that we don’t need help or saving?

My puzzlement I suppose lies in that.

Whenever I read articles where the writers like to tell Google or Apple what to do or you know, any big company out there, I laugh and sneer at these armchair critics and think, “If you’re so good, why don’t you run the show?”

But then how many times have we told God the same thing. God. That’s right. Our Creator. How many times have we thought we knew better? How many times have we thought we were better than he was?

What right do we have? If we were that good, shouldn’t we be running the show?

Whenever I read of miracles in the Bible these days, I consider myself to be immune to the supernatural awesomeness of it all.

Last week, we looked at Acts 3, where Peter and John miraculously healed a lame man, where his limbs gained strength right before their very eyes.

What was so cool about it was that Peter knew within himself (through the Holy Spirit’s help probably) that he would be able to heal the lame man. He knew this beggar had faith somehow and would be healed.

I loved it that Peter said this, “I don’t have any silver or gold for you. But I’ll give you what I have. In the name of Jesus Christ the Nazarene, get up and walk!”

What a precious thing to say to anyone, stranger or no stranger! It is so true that we should consider the name of Jesus Christ, Son of God, to be the best that we have… not the least. How often have I treated it as second rate? Many a times. I fear for many people I know and wish they would know how amazing to have faith, belief and trust in Jesus Christ yet I don’t know how to give them that faith because in actuality, we really cannot give someone faith. If I could somehow pass on a little of my faith so that it can grow in someone else, I would but we discussed that faith comes from God. It is not up to us for someone to have faith and that is so disturbing. Normally we encourage people to go to Church or to spend time with more Christians in the hope that faith would be kindled or rise to the surface but I suppose what we should really be doing is going on our hands and knees in prayer for God to allow these people to taste His grace and mercy. A tough call. Relying and trusting on God is where it all comes together. It is not up to us at all. Totally sucky.

We discussed how this lame beggar could know Jesus Christ and then be healed but how many of us, Christians, know who Jesus Christ really is? I can safely say I know more about Him than know who He is. True, I consider and say rather superficially that He is my Personal Saviour but those are merely words and catchphrases… but to know it within me, to understand the extent of my identity in Christ, I am only scraping the surface and I can only say, “Yes, I believe that what Jesus Christ did on the cross for me has washed me clean of my sins” but then do I really believe that since I do feel guilty right after Communion or I commit sins right before and after Church? IF I am truly repentant, truly grateful because I know what Jesus Christ did for me, would I really be this horrible person that I am?

It is a new year today. At this time I am usually more contemplative and prayerful but right now, I am not. It is a bit disturbing because 2011 has been a blessed year. Perhaps, I ended 2011 on the wrong step. I hope I don’t go down the wrong path from here on.

SqTable was not meant to be a personal outlet for me although I have used it as so on many occasions. I will curb that in 2012. I hope it can be more on my insights into the faith. Although that will somehow become personal, I know. So I am not sure if I can keep my resolution.

Anyway, posting more is going to take up a lot of my time. I really pour a lot into each post. Of course, I do ramble but a lot of the time, I do put quite a lot of effort. Who knew writing could be so taxing?

About 3 weeks ago, I heard a really great sermon on “Obedience is greater than sacrifice“. I thought it was a really great sermon to close off the year.

What does God expect of us? Do we think our shabby sacrifices are good enough? Do we think our knowledge of Him will impress Him?

I have always wanted to write a post on who we are. Where do we find our identity? In Christ, in our race, in our nationality, in our work, in our relationship, in our family name or something else?

As Malaysians, we have an excuse for our misdeeds – “all other Malaysians do it” – “Malaysia boleh” – “It’s ok wan…we’re in Malaysia”… That is why it is difficult to speak to Malaysians in Church. We may call ourselves Malaysian Christians, even saying that we put Malaysian FIRST then Christian SECOND.

I especially liked the sermon because they were talking of a king’s response to God’s call yet when the king did ‘what he thought was right’ God thought otherwise. Even better, the preacher said the king didn’t obey he was only ‘following the culture of the day’. I thought that was so true.

In more ways than one, we might think we are doing what God calls of us some times. We think through service in the church, it will put us on a high plain than other Christians. Of course, the Church will tell you to serve serve serve in the Church ‘cos they need those hands. I remember in the Pillars of the Earth, by helping to construct the Church, the priest said it was good enough and would count as points – good ones that would erase their sins. There’s a word for it. Very similar to Islam or even the Pharisees I should think. But who put these man made laws on what is good enough for God? I will always remember the horrific show I watched of the Irish laundries where abuse in the Church happened.

I loved that sermon on obedience because it is not easy to obey. Especially in our modern times. We need to know that the source that we are to obey is trustworthy and real. This post is really not what I intended it to be. I actually wanted to speak on the good attributes of obedience. It is true that by thinking we are obeying we might be deceived into thinking we have done enough.

But how can we trust those we are meant to obey? How many times do we challenge authority? Does obeying just mean following orders? How many times have we seen those in power abuse their role and their subjects? How many times have we seen them manipulate our gullibility, purity and naivety yet we are supposed to follow them?

We have seen cults brainwash their followers who just blindly following them. Not just cults but the Roman Catholic Church is only just opening the lid on sex abuse in the Church and it makes us wonder how can a sermon that tells us to obey sound so right yet to fit into the reality of this world be so difficult?

Everything is so wrong in this world that we can’t trust our authority. The Church that is meant to protect us have betrayed us. Our parents may mean well for us but are hypocritical on many levels.

The problem in most ways is what that sermon says. We have come up with our own standards, which may not be entirely God’s standards, and twisted it to make it seem like God approves of it. We feel proud and arrogant that we have bested God yet it is our downfall.

I think the problem is not so much obedience. Obedience is easy when we can trust the one who asks for our loyalty. Our selfish nature may be a hindrance but I should think it is in-built in us to be somewhat of sheep. If we don’t obey God, it doesn’t mean we don’t obey anything; We obey the orders/cultures of the day, we obey the devil, we obey ourselves. In this life, there will always be some hierarchy, it is the order of life, it reminds me of Lion King’s the “Circle of Life“. Obedience is easy when we see something attractive in it.

In saying that, I guess that all boils down to what we know of ourselves and God. If we know God and who He is, I think it would be so attractive that we would surrender everything else and trust and obey Him. But we are tempted and drawn away because we find it attractive and easier to follow something or someone else. We don’t know God enough to see His beauty and Truth. If we don’t know God’s attributes, how can we just obey Him? I guess that would then be the flawed nature of this world. Who’s fault is that? Ours? The Church’s? The Devil’s? God’s?

Perhaps it is a culmination of things. The Devil’s ability to tempt us, to cloak us with temporary pleasures, our week resolve and the brokenness of this world. But then you know, God seeks to restore but we have problems believing that also. How much can He repair? What can He really do?

I really didn’t expect this post to go this way. I wanted to say what a great sermon that was and talk of the wonderfulness of it but perhaps this post makes it more real in some ways.

I went for an eye surgery to correct my version. Someone a couple of months ago had asked me why I had not gone for it so about a month after that conversation someone else took the initiative to go and took me with them. I wasn’t warmed up to the idea. After chatting with the extra friendly sales and customer service team plus the doctor, of course, I was quite taken in with the idea.

My vision pre-operation wasn’t too lousy. Without my glasses I could actually see and I repeatedly asked them whether I should go for it. The answer I wanted them to say was no it is not very necessary but they did not take that stance. But then again I gave my consent so they can be absolved from their responsibilities.

Right now my vision is blur and I am upset. I hope it is not post operation depression. I feel guilt and regret. Besides costing so much, I am not so much upset with the operation or the consequences of it. Sure, a blur vision does not make it any better and I am pretty sure my vision was better and less tired than it is now.

I feel guilty because I allowed others to easily talk me into this or that I sought for the approval of others and this is the result. I could care less about others. For others, they like it, they want it.

I feel guilty because I allowed myself to be gripped by the vice of vanity and I feel partly ruined. I feel guilty that I might have wrecked my vision but not so much that but that I did not seek God in such a big decision (although I am pretty sure I made a passing prayer about it) but I guess I am finding it hard to forgive myself.

I feel remorse that my eyes may not fully recover. I guess I just feel bad that I allowed myself to do something unnecessary like this. It was just cosmetic. Of course again it has only been 2 weeks (and my eyes need to heal) but I did go for a check up after 1 week and one of my eyes is worse than pre-operation. Isn’t that comforting to know? :/

I hope God will pour His grace and mercy over me and show me how to forgive myself and to heal my eyes quickly!

Isn’t this beautiful? Source

I thought I’d do my little tribute to Steve Jobs. It’s not a positive one I must say…

I spent the day reading what people had to say about him. I never read too much into the articles when he had resigned from Apple. But now that he’s dead, you want to know more about him. You would think it would be all good stuff but amidst the ingenuity that he had, there were also tell tale signs of his character and personality that unfortunately was charismatic yet nasty.

I guess when someone dies you’re inclined to believe that their life meant something. For Steve Jobs, it’s a bit tragic that what he’s left behind is not able to be his elixir to immortality. Sure, we use his products and gadgets but he’s still dead and his vision with him. Yes, what we have now is just a taste of what he had in store…but still… imagine if he hadn’t been sick but was running at full steam… imagine how much he could have achieved? But then again if you look at it, as much as we prop Steve Jobs to be some form of iconic god, it was Apple the company that lived up to the lofty expectations and the team they have that made it all happen and operate its way to become richer than America.

As much as it is Steves Jobs and his ideas, his micromanagement style, perhaps, we have seen a company flourish and dominate and captivate the world. He wasn’t the greatest person it seemed … very self-centred, not a philanthropist by any measure and seemed arrogant, full of himself and that nothing else mattered.

He still needed to be crippled in some way, to know and see that he is not a god. Sure he had great philosophies, inspired people to be more than they were, to grasp at the frailties of life and to live with as much zest for this short and temporary life but at the end of the day, he only had answer for living in this world now. What happens after? So he’s created this great ecosystem and then what? Now what? Is it only about this life? He leaves this world naked as he says but doesn’t it create a sense of futility?

In some ways, I feel that much for Apple products. Steve Jobs has tapped into the deadly sins and has made us covet, envy, desire, fall into temptation, fill us with pride, lust and made us greedy and gluttonous.. we want more yet more of what? We end up empty, feeling more alone, looking for the next new Apple gadget to fill a void and then what?

It’s made us not interact with others on buses and trains, with our white earphones plugged in so the outside world doesn’t matter; we swipe and play Angry Birds to our hearts content thinking it’s a purpose but is it? I recall the countless dinners and lunches that I’ve had with people who would rather play with their iPhones than chat with people around them. I thought I was anti-social but no… Apple’s made people even more so. And when they aren’t playing with their iPhones or iPads, they are talking about them… like it’s what really matters in life.

We think we are part of something greater by owning an iPhone but what is the ideology behind Apple and Steve Jobs? Ultimately, it’s about me. Not you. Me. When I own an Apple product, I feel my status elevated, I feel like I’m owning a piece of art and that I’m better than you. Yes, it’s handy and the apps within it are great. Who cares if my Apple products die often, it come with great service and warranty. Who cares if iTunes is bloatware, it’s my shopping mall within my reach. I consume and consume and feed and feed appetite but why am I not full? Why is this desire for Apple products insatiable?

I feel like a somebody when I own an Apple. I know people are watching me, I know they want a piece of what I have. I know they want something they don’t have. I feel important. I can rub it in their faces that I own this piece of gadgetry that is understated yet glossy and glamorous. The statement.

I don’t know if you feel the way I do but in some way, it really brings out the worst in us. I am not an Apple fan although it is a hard stance to take. Trust me. The temptation is there every day to want. But it’s all rather pointless at the end of the day isn’t it? There’s more to this life than me, isn’t there? If we own an Apple we feel like part of an exclusive club and make sure others see how important we are yet we are miserable when a new Apple update comes along because we feel outdated used and such a has been.

I was reading the obituaries, the tributes and eulogies and noted one that said one of the first computers by Apple was priced at $666.66.. I’m not sure about you but this rang alarm bells for me. Why 666?

I can’t help but wonder if Steve Jobs was the devil incarnate. He made us feel emptier, like we’re missing something without Apple and of course this is all marketing and advertising but he knew it like the back of his hand and created a world that has become a lot unhealthier… a lot more selfish… and at the end of the day, it’s really… so what? I can’t bring Apple to my grave. Too bad though. Perhaps, he should have been like the Chinese emperors who would bury their legacies, riches and people with them, lock them up in the burial chambers with them. I wonder what people would think then.

As much as Steve Jobs seemed to promose Zen and Buddhism, I can’t help but think his philosophy is so empty that even the products he created although they seemed so full are nothing but emptiness. They don’t really have personality if you ask me. Sure it’s beautifully designed but I don’t think they have a life of their own. Not in my eyes.

Yes, he was smart but we can’t survive on those laurels can we? ‘Cos all we’re left with are memories… nothing much else. Yes, he was a genius able to conjure this illusion of betterment … we are nothing but his audience, his muse where he dishes and we eat. Being a genius does not secure us immortality. It does in some manner if you consider what he’s left behind but it might fade away till the next best thing comes along.

But it’s good to live in this moment of grief… because as the days wear on, it’ll get ugly. Although I am surprised to read even now what an unpleasant person he was at times but I am sure in the future with its uncertainties we will see things get uglier… right now we can soak in this communal and fond time of appreciation, remembrance and reflection and we should relish it because I am pretty sure when we wake up from our daze and realise he is not here to feed us anymore, we’ll get ugly.

And that is why I think he’s the devil incarnate… He brings out the worst in us and glorifies it, puts a stamp of approval and says this is how we should feel. It’s right. It’s what we should be.

But it isn’t. I have always found joy in serving others. I don’t do it often though. I’d rather focus on myself ‘cos it’s easier but I have noticed that when I extend myself out to others, I am filled with something good and tangible. It is filling and does not leave me wanting more. To serve really is something we should do more of yet we go the other way. Not just human nature but the flaws and sin of this world.

AFter reading so many articles today, I have come to the conclusion that Steve Jobs may be the devil incarnate. Yet still loved by his family. It’s comforting to know that even for us, there will be someone to love us. Someone out there loves you too.

Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? – Romans 7:24 [NLT]

I really shouldn’t admit this but I decided to do some Bible reading in the toilet and found the above verse and thought it was so great. Then I found The Message version of that verse and below and it’s just as great.

I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question? – Romans 7:24 [MSG]

It’s great because it’s so… wretched as other translations say… it’s our state of being. It’s us trying to get through this life.

Verse 25 has the answer …

Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin. [NLT]

The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different. [MSG]

So great.